Awareness is vital, and threatening at the same time

When we don’t know what we can’t do, it doesn’t bother us not to try.  Young children are unaware.  They are ‘have fun’ machines, dedicated to doing anything that makes them feel good.  They are also exceptional learners entirely without conscious intention.  When we are young we believe because we have no reason not to. 

At some point around puberty, this begins to change.  We begin to want and not just do.  We become aware of the rules that govern cause and effect.  We become aware of our limitations.  For young people, the onset of awareness can also be the onset of performance anxiety.  What if I don’t get the assignment completed?  What happens if I fail the test?  I’m not as good as those kids!

Awareness of fallibility brings the possibility (perceived) of loss and failure.  As parents, there simple ideas that we can reinforce to help them:

·        Show them life’s small victories.  Children are inclined to raise very high expectations of themselves.  Contextualise their achievements.  If we don’t show them, they can come to believe they are failing when progress is all around them.  They can also lose patience.  We are never the finished article as children and they need to understand that

·        Remind them to occasionally slow down and appreciate life.  The energy to compete is drawn from a more basic sense of well-being.  Balancing fun and ‘living in the moment’ with formal responsibilities is highly individualised.  Many children need help learning to switch off

·        Hug them as often as you can and praise them for their efforts.  Results are never more important or meaningful than the effort that goes in to achieving them.  Every effort is a victory